And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize