do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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