Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
