My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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