A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
