You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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