Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
