i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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