Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
