i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
