I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
