I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This house was built for laser tag.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
