There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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