Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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