you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i think i just lost a toe
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
