I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
