Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
