Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
