he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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