i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize