If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
