careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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