If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
