and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
