I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
