WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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