He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
