i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize