We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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