My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
