hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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