Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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