i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
