Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
