I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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