So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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