Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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