i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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