I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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