I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
