I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
