He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
