i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
