I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize