when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
