on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
