I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
