if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
