You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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