No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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