This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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