I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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