OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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