took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
