so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
