sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
