Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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