He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize