Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
