Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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