i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
