I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
