Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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