Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
