it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
