So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
