you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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