I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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