I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
