You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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