I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
