I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
