After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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