i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize
