This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize