Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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