once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize