she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
