Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just pee around me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
