Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
