I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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