And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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