i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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