are you still at the devil's house?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
