saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize