my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
