we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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