I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
