hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
