Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
