his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
